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Help me understand the difference between a sexist and a run-of-the-mill asshole that happens to be male.
I’ve never met a man who believes that every man is better than every woman at any given task. And if he did hold that view, it would be an example of colossal stupidity, not opinion. Daily life is bristling with examples of women succeeding in every field. How does one not notice?
And if we’re talking about prejudging the likelihood of a member of one gender or another having a particular preference or trait, that’s how all humans process information. The only people who don’t automatically prejudge are in comas. A normal, healthy brain prejudges everything in its environment based on limited clues and patterns. But as more information becomes available, one is able to judge more accurately. Perhaps the man you first assumed was a hobo, based on his scruffy appearance, is actually a great network engineer. The normal brain notices a pattern, makes a preliminary assumption about what it means, and looks for more information to confirm or disprove the initial snap judgment.
Have you ever met a sane person who thinks differently?
When the FBI profiler says the bomber is probably a male loner in his thirties, that isn’t sexism so much as statistics. And when the DNA on the detonator indicates the bomber was female, the FBI profiler says, “Oops” and changes her opinion. Every normal, human brain processes information this same way, give or take some cognitive dissonance.
So who are the sexists?
I hear plenty of stories of workplace discrimination against women based on gender. So let’s stipulate that gender discrimination is widespread. There are too many first-hand accounts to imagine it isn’t real.
So who is doing the discriminating during the hiring and promotion process, and what does that look like in the year 2013?
If a man overlooks a female job candidate because of gender alone, isn’t that more a case of stupidity than sexism? Clearly women are excelling at ever profession on earth, so what kind of hiring manager would fail to notice a worldwide trend so immensely obvious? Answer: a dumb one.
Dismissing a job candidate based on gender alone is ordinary incompetence. Fifty years ago I can easily imagine a smart man who happened to be a sexist because he witnessed scant few examples in which women were excelling at their careers. But in 2013 there is no such thing as a smart man who hasn’t noticed that women are excelling in every field. I think it’s time to label the hiring manager who bases a decision on gender incompetent, not sexist.
Then you have the category of men who are dismissive of women in general, or talk to women in a demeaning way, or objectify women, or are generally disrespectful to women. Those guys get labelled sexists too for being hostile to women. But is that the label that fits best?
In my experience, assholes are assholes all the time, not just to women. And their impact is plenty toxic to men as well. I suppose somewhere on earth there is a guy who trash-talks and objectifies women during the workday then goes to his volunteer job feeding the elderly at night, but I kind of doubt it. I’ve never met a man who was an asshole to women but treated everyone else with respect. Being an asshole is a fulltime job.
So I think it’s time to acknowledge the impressive gains women have made over the last century against genuine sexism and recognize that the mop up operation in 2013 (at least in the United States) is more about managing the assholes and idiots in the world than it is about old-timey sexism.
For the three women who read this blog, I’ll tell you a secret about how men think. If I am your boss’s boss, and you tell me your direct boss is being a sexist, my skepticism alarm goes off because the label so often gets misused. But if you tell me your boss is being an asshole, complete with examples, or you say he’s incompetent at his job because he ignores qualified job candidates, I start considering his replacement. Your choice of labels can make a big difference.