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Is Iowa a Caucus or a Mental Health Problem? (Trump Master Persuader Series)

Soon the media will start to obsess with the Iowa caucuses. They will repeatedly tell us two things:

1. The Iowa Caucuses are a squirrelly little affair that predict nothing. 

2. The Iowa Caucuses are important national news.

Iowa presents an interesting strategic decision for Trump. On one hand, he can let someone else win Iowa and it probably won’t have much impact on the final result. Trump could let Iowa go and concentrate on the primary states ahead.

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Master Persuader Scorecard Update - Clinton Top?

On December 13th I used the Master Persuader filter to predict that Clinton had topped in the polls compared to Trump and would start drifting down.

The latest national poll shows Trump and Clinton in a near statistical tie for the general election.

One poll is not credible on its own, but it is consistent with prediction.

So far, the Master Persuader filter has accurately predicted…

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The Master Persuader Filter and Trump’s Schlong

If you are following the U.S. presidential campaign, you know that Donald Trump recently said Hillary Clinton got “schlonged” in her last campaign attempt against Obama. According to the standard 2D analysis on the news, this is the sort of vulgar gaffe that should hurt a candidate.

But you might be wondering if “schlonged” was a deliberate and clever move by a Master Persuader or just another in a long list of Trump vulgarities. Let’s look under the hood and see if the engine is purring or it is full of squirrels.

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Target Practice for Robots

In the long run, the so-called ISIS Caliphate is destined to become a walled-in training facility where the major military powers test their new weapons on live combatants. Wars sometimes have expiration dates, but training is forever. Expect the Caliphate to be a permanent war zone, by design.

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A Deeply Unscientific Test of Your Political Bias (Trump Persuasion Series)

The normal view of human beings is that we are mostly rational, but sometimes we get a bit emotional or crazy. My so-called Moist Robot Hypothesis on reality says the reverse, that we are irrational nearly all the time and that we rationalize our decisions after the fact. That view comes from my experience as a trained hypnotist.

I know that most of you don’t completely buy into the Moist Robot Hypothesis, so I devised an unscientific test to rattle your confidence in your own rational processes.

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Funniest Pundits

My favorite pundits this election are Diamond and Silk. This tweet had me laughing all morning. It only works because of their comic sensibilities. Look at the perfection of the photo expression and body language. I would love to know how many pictures they took before they got that one.

I don’t think this is luck. These two have skills.

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And Then This Happened (Trump Persuasion Series)

I don’t even know how to categorize this article in Salon except to say it fits the Master Persuader prediction of a coming Trump landslide. It might blow your mind a little, considering the source.

Recently, Huffington Post did an awkward about-face and announced it was moving its Trump coverage from the entertainment section to whatever they call news over there. That had to hurt. The Master Persuader filter saw that coming since August.

In stark contrast to Huffington Post, someone smart is running Salon these days. I’m seeing a lot of strong writing out of them lately, whether you agree with it or not.

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Robots Read News - About Hitler’s Testicles

In the news, scientists confirm that Hitler had only one normal testicle. So Christmas came early for humorists all over the world.

I’d like to get a jump on the lazy comedy writers that are sleeping late. Which one of these jokes should I tweet?

(If your firewall is blocking images, only the best one will be on Twitter, and later, so sorry about that.)

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This next comic was edited per your comments. The old third panel was a slippery slope punchline (with a typo). For the writers following along at home, I would not have written this updated punchline, below, on my own because it seems more biased than clever. So here, for your reading pleasure, I remove my ego from the equation and give you what you asked for.

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Robots Read News about the Sanders Campaign Accessing Clinton Voter Data

You can see the image here on Twitter if your firewall is blocking it.

The full story on Business Insider.

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The Master Persuader Filter on Michael Moore

I appreciate anyone’s call to freedom and equal treatment, but I’m going to rank Michael Moore’s “We are all Muslims” protest movement as the least-likely-to-work idea of all time.

Logically, I totally get the point. So on the 2D level of reality it makes perfect sense. But on the 3D level, where all that matters is how people feel, this feels like a non-starter to me. That’s what the Master Persuader argument says.

If the future proves me wrong about this, feel free to ignore 100% of anything else I’ve ever said. 

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