Scott Adams' Blog

The Temporary Dictator System

Posted December 1st, 2014 @ 8:53am in #General Nonsense

I propose a constitutional amendment to allow Bill Gates to become dictator of the United States for one year. The only exception to his power would be control of the military. The civilian president along with Congress would still control military actions and policies. That should prevent any temporary dictators from consolidating power and becoming permanent.

During Bill Gates’ one year run as dictator he could create any laws he wished, change national priorities any way he liked, and generally fix things without a lot of political friction. He could even tweak the Constitution while he’s in power.

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The Tyranny of Expectations

Posted November 24th, 2014 @ 11:11am in #General Nonsense

Last year I rejoined the ranks of the spouse-free. Things sure changed since the last time I was single.

For starters, it is not necessary for men to ask women for revealing selfies. Those photos just start showing up on your phone after you exchange numbers. A revealing selfie in 2014 is essentially just a digital business card for your dating life.

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Uber Gets the Buzzfeed Treatment

Posted November 20th, 2014 @ 8:49am in #General Nonsense

Recently a dipshit editor named Ben Smith over at Buzzfeed ambushed Uber executive Emil Michael by taking out of context something Michael said at a private dinner and publishing it under a misleading headline.

It was such a clever ambush that Emil Michael couldn’t hope to explain himself without inflaming things further. So he wisely issued a half-assed non-apology-sort-of-apology to make it all go away.

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A Life Well-lived

Posted November 18th, 2014 @ 7:57am in #General Nonsense

How do you know if you’re living your life right? Is there a standard for that sort of thing?

I came up with a little graph of what I think a well-lived life looks like. The idea here is that we are born 100% selfish, as babies. But if we manage our lives well, our selfishness declines continuously until death. Death is the ultimate lack of selfishness.

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How to Stop Teens from Texting while Driving

Posted November 17th, 2014 @ 7:58am in #General Nonsense

You would become a billionaire if you built a device to stop teens from texting and driving. The insurance companies would love it.

I think I figured out an elegant way to stop teens from texting. Yes, I could form a company to produce the product myself. But building a company takes time, and luck, and patent applications, and lots more. I would be dicking around trying to form a company while thousands of people die in the meantime.

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The Transparency Party

Posted November 14th, 2014 @ 10:21am in #General Nonsense

The other day a friend mentioned that he would vote for the first presidential candidate that agrees to wear a GoPro camera on her head and live-stream every working minute of the presidency.

My first reaction to the idea was that it was funny but impractical.

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A Ride on the Creative Process

Posted November 12th, 2014 @ 9:55am in #General Nonsense

I know from the comments on this blog that many of you are interested in the creative process. Let me take you for ride in my head. I took this journey yesterday. It is still fresh in my mind so I can explain it.

Most new ideas are combinations of existing ideas. I’ll start by describing the random thoughts that inspired one of the most powerful ideas I have ever had. We’ll get to the idea itself at the end. I think this idea could cut the unemployment rate in half and turbo-charge the entire economy for generations. And the plan could be fully implemented by the people reading this blog.

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Phantom Logic

Posted November 11th, 2014 @ 7:27am in #General Nonsense

This is a post about my own cognitive dissonance. There is a strange little hole in my knowledge and I believe it is caused by some sort of psychological malfunction. I’ll tell you where the hole is, and perhaps you can fill it in for me.

In my experience, which I fully understand to be selective memory, discussions about the existence of God generally go this way…

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Researchers Accidentally Discover God

Posted November 10th, 2014 @ 8:33am in #General Nonsense

Some research-dudes in Denmark have expressed doubts about whether the so-called “God particle” (Higgs Boson) has really been discovered. The doubters say the experiments that allegedly found the God particle are not precise enough to know for sure.

Although the “God particle” is just a clever name, and has nothing to do with anyone’s actual God, I have recently learned that the real, actual, literal God was discovered some time ago. The discovery doesn’t get much mention in the article so you have to read between the lines.

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My Stalker Returns

Posted November 8th, 2014 @ 7:59am in #General Nonsense

My stalker is back.

Regular readers know that a Canadian woman named Christina Lane goes off her meds every few years and fills the Internet with stories of how I secretly travel to Canada to ransack her apartment and sexually abuse everyone I meet along the way. She also believes everything I write in any forum is actually an intended insult to her personally.

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