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Why I Should Win the Nobel Prize (and other things I learned from Trump) - Dilbert Blog

Why I Should Win the Nobel Prize (and other things I learned from Trump)

As Donald Trump has taught us, we should think big, act positive, exaggerate when necessary, brag to the point of narcissism, and make yuuuuuuge first asks. Apparently that stuff works. So I will do the same today. I might also insult a competitor just to make myself look good in comparison. I think that’s fair now.

Today the New York Times is reporting that I am the most important financial expert in the history of the world. And that is why I should get the Nobel Memorial Prize in Economic Sciences. 

Paul Krugman, on the other hand, has done nothing for you lately. He is a total loser and drinks too much water. And look at that beard!

So forget him. As the New York Times says, I managed to condense the entire wisdom of financial investing into one small list that no one has improved in over a decade. They don’t mention that the real magic (seriously) is that I found a way to put the list in priority order. That sounds small, but if you are wondering how to tip-toe into personal investing, that knowledge is 100% of what you need. You need a way to know you are taking the correct first step without the risk of being overwhelmed by the totality of your options and the fear of a misstep. I solved for that.

Now that you know more about the art of persuasion, you might realize that I intentionally engineered my list to solve for the biggest problem in personal finance: How does a newbie get started to learn about investing without getting overwhelmed by the complexity –  surrendering to it – and then getting hosed by financial advisors?

The order of my list – with the easy-and-most-important steps first – fixes that. It tells you where to start your research. And it also tells you there isn’t that much more learning that matters. The remaining complexity in the field is intentionally created to extract fees. It is literally a hoax. I also blame the Chinese.

Educating investors is a yuuuuuuuge thing. If you consider the trillions of dollars that people invest, any improvement in that process is immense. In other words – thanks to today’s attention from the New York Times – my investment list and its younger cousins will now influence the entire world and how it invests.

I also invented the term Confusopoly, which I just noticed has its own Wikipedia page. That term describes an economic condition in which competitors confuse customers in order to maintain market share. One example is the personal finance industry. Their business model depends on keeping things confusing, so you can’t compare alternatives. That way you need their advice to solve the problem they created. The confusopoly theory isn’t as cool as the personal finance list. I mean, even Krugman could have figured this one out. He was born in Albany, by the way. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. I mean, a lot of bad people come from Albany, although some of them, I assume, are good people.

I don’t know whether the judges will think I deserve the Nobel Memorial Prize in Economic Sciences for my contribution to personal finance or my theory on Confusopolies, but it could be both. It might be just the Confusopoly, but probably also the personal finance one. Everyone says they are the greatest things they have ever seen. 

I just want to make America rich again.

If you hate the idea of me getting the Nobel Memorial Prize in Economic Sciences, I will settle for you reading my book. But that is my final offer.