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My Offer to Stop Donald Trump - Dilbert Blog

My Offer to Stop Donald Trump

Update: I will be raising the price of this offer $100 million per month until November because of my 2015 track record. Act now! 😉

As regular readers know, I have been writing about the persuasive skills of Donald Trump. You might also know I’m a certified hypnotist and I’ve been studying the field of persuasion for decades. And you might also know I predicted back in August that Trump would use those persuasion skills (which are unprecedented) to dominate the field.

Other than me, who else predicted in August that Trump would be leading the Republican polls in December? Keep in mind that I showed my work all the way. I updated my prediction in October to a Trump landslide in the general election. My predictions are based on his skills, not his policies.

Now let’s say you think I was right – or partly right – about Trump’s skills. You observe him using his persuasive skills and you believe he has more power than the media understands. Let’s say you believe that maybe those skills are the biggest part of his success. Or maybe you think the immigration issue is the main reason Trump is popular with some, but you still think Trump’s persuasive skills are part of the story. Either way works for today’s purpose.

Now let’s say you’re scared to death of a Trump presidency. In your mind, it could be the biggest disaster in the history of civilization. You imagine nukes flying, discrimination everywhere, and the general unraveling of polite society.

So I thought I would offer you some Trump insurance today. For $1 billion dollars, I will use my own persuasive skills to prevent Trump from becoming president. 

For fun, let’s say this is all done through a crowdfunding site (if they can handle that dollar amount) so my failure would mean I don’t get paid. I only get paid if Trump does NOT make it all the way to president.

Confusing, isn’t it? That’s the fun. Let me spell it out in simpler terms.

The proposition is that the public can pledge any amount of money to a crowdfunding site to activate my persuasion skills to stop Donald Trump. Each person might only pledge $10, so no big risk involved. If Trump loses in the general election, I get the full $1 billion for my efforts, EVEN IF YOU THINK MY EFFORTS MADE NO DIFFERENCE. That last part is important because the public would not see my fingerprints on anything. The press would report that people simply tired of Trump’s act, or maybe some future gaffe would be credited with his downfall. But that would not necessarily be the real story. Then, as now, the public and the media see Trump as a 2D player. I see him as a 3D player who manages your emotions, not your sense of reason. If I do the same, my technique will be as invisible as Trump’s.

If I fail, and Trump wins, the payout would not be triggered, and I get nothing. And if the crowdfunding pledges never reach the full $1 billion, I would do nothing at all but continue to report on Trump as I have been doing, as objectively as I can. 

Think about it. For ten dollars you could buy some Trump insurance. There are no guarantees in life, but if you truly fear him, and hate him, ten bucks isn’t much of a risk. And who knows? Maybe I can stop him. You don’t really know. Frankly, neither do I. There are no guarantees in life. I’d put the odds of my success at around 60%. 

Now ask yourself how anyone else could stop him. Are you confident Hillary Clinton has what it takes? Remember, Trump hasn’t even focused on her yet.

This is a thought experiment, so I don’t expect any of this to materialize. And I wouldn’t want to wrestle with the moral implications of actually going through with it. Also, as I often say, I’m not smart enough to know who would do the best job as president. They all look qualified to me. 

That said, I think my deal structure is solid. If you are afraid of a Trump presidency, do you see any problem with my offer?