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Who Will Bill Clinton Vote for? - Dilbert Blog

Who Will Bill Clinton Vote for?

I was just reading the transcript of Bill Clinton’s interview with Colbert. Based on that text alone, I wonder who Bill Clinton wants to win the presidency. Clinton talked about Trump’s “macho” appeal with the public.

But Clinton didn’t say macho was a bad thing.

Let me give you a hypothetical. Suppose I told you that two people were running for President and only one was macho. You know nothing else about the candidates. You must pick a leader based on that one data point alone.

Who do you pick to deal with ISIS, Congress, Putin, and Iran?

Right. Seventy-percent of the public just voted for macho. Women too.

Keep in mind that Hillary has been using Bill Clinton’s nut-sack as a speed bag since 1998. Bill Clinton is not feeling too macho himself. He’s an ex-president, but also a guy, and also a husband. Rarely has any man been so thoroughly emasculated by a wife in public. (You can say he earned it, but that doesn’t change the point.)

If you believe the new book by Roger Stone – a Trump supporter – Hillary has been a domestic abuser for years. One assumes that sort of accusation is an exaggeration, but you can never be sure by how much. And in any case, the story is out there, and the story alone probably doesn’t make Bill Clinton feel too macho. People will believe the accusations. 

Now imagine that Hillary get elected. That takes some of the luster out of Bill’s presidency. It reminds me of the Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers joke where Astaire was considered the star, but Rogers did her dance moves backwards and on heels. Again, macho is at stake.

And imagine Bill Clinton having to go from his current life – that one assumes is secretly phenomenal and rarely lonely – to being “Mister Mom” in the White House while his powerful wife locks up his chastity cage so he doesn’t embarrass her in front of the press.

If you think Bill Clinton wants Hillary to be president, you are either a woman who doesn’t know anything about men, or not paying attention. A Hillary Clinton presidency would thoroughly ruin Bill Clinton’s happiness. In my opinion, as a spouse-free male who can speak freely, there is not the slightest chance that Bill wants Hillary to be president. And as a trained hypnotist, and a student of linguistics, I would say he confirmed it to Colbert.

But just for fun, take a look at Clinton’s exact words when Colbert asked Bill if had asked Trump to run as a Republican in order to improve Hillary’s chances. Clinton confirms having a phone call with Trump, but he says it wasn’t about “running for office.“

Clinton also said to Colbert, “Yeah, I get credit for doing a lot of things I didn’t do like that,” Clinton said.

Parse that sentence. Clinton doesn’t deny asking Trump to run. All he says is that he often gets credit for doing things like thatthat he didn’t do.

Perfectly ambiguous, as intended. No one can accuse him of lying.

Here’s how I think the phone conversation between two Master Wizards of persuasion went. Keep in mind that under the Master Wizard Hypothesis, all Trump needed to know is whether Bill Clinton would use his own wizard skills to keep Trump from winning.

Trump: How are things with the wife?

Clinton: About the same.

Trump: That’s all I need to hear.

That’s how two Master Wizards of persuasion avoid talking about “running for office.”

Obviously I don’t know what is happening inside anyone’s head, or in private conversations. So this is just for fun, and to track the predictive power of the Master Wizard Hypothesis.

The Master Wizard Hypothesis says Bill Clinton will either talk Hillary out of running (because of the email scandal) or campaign for her in an uninspired way. What I predict will NOT happen, is Bill Clinton being fully engaged in her victory.

Look for stories saying Bill Clinton isn’t trying too hard to help his wife get elected.

If you read my book now, you have plenty of time to finish it before Christmas, so you can give it as a gift.

In Top Tech Blog, now you can harvest electricity from the radio signals in the air. That makes using your metal detector on the beach seem almost like a waste of time.