Quantcast
This Graph Does Not Apply to the Reader - Dilbert Blog

This Graph Does Not Apply to the Reader

This graph only applies to other people. I barely know you, and yet I know you are a special snowflake. Not like these people.

image

If your firewall is dumb, see the image at @ScottAdamsSays on Twitter.

Update: Okay, some explanations.

The graph is a comic, obviously, so it doesn’t apply to any individual. My best guess is that it describes 75% of adults. The other 25% are having amazing sex with other humans, as often as they want, or so they tell us. And all that great sex never leads to stress, bad relations, unwanted children, disease, heartbreak, divorce, and anything bad. Good for them. 

For most people, the sexual value of other humans (male and female) dropped as soon as smartphones were invented. For the sake of clarity, a woman’s sexual value has not declined one bit. And a woman’s economic and social value are at an all-time high. But if you add a smartphone to a woman, and create a cyborg that has a mind that is half-focused on its current situation and half-focused on the world outside, via phone, you have a cyborg – part human, part machine. Cyborgs are no more sexually attractive than your toaster.

I’m sure none of the smartphone behavior that can be so off-putting is a sexual obstacvle for men under 30. For that group of men, their bodies are always in reflex mode, and anything that siphons off the sexual energy is welcome. But if we are being honest, 90% of those young men are thinking of their favorite porn during sex with cyborgs. 

Looking at it another way, in 2015 porn is about humans having sex with other humans. No smartphones appear in porn. But in real life, your only option is sex with a cyborg (an organic entity psychologically connected to a smartphone). So these days, enjoying porn is the more “human” experience, in a nostalgic pre-smartphone way. As soon as you walk outside, all you see is cyborgs.

On a related topic, some of you interpreted the chart to say masturbation is now better than sex, at least for some people. That is not my view, and I could have done a better job clarifying on the chart.

What the chart should have said more clearly is that the combination of porn plus hypnosis is nothing like masturbation and nothing like sex with a human. It is its own category with its own chemical signature. It is not simply improved masturbation any more than an airplane is an improved horse. It is far better than masturbation and far better than sex with a cyborg. Someday soon it will be better than sex with a human who has no phone. That is already the case for many folks, I would think.

My view is that regular porn will never improve to the point where is better than sex with women. But hypnosis plus some elements that come from the porn industry will be a godsend for folks who do not have access to the high quality of sex with other humans that my readers seem to be enjoying. So what might look like bad news to all of you sexy folks is probably terrific news for folks who are not sexually attractive or do not have access to good sex. 

Update 2: In a prior post I said I was tracking a Master Wizard (hypnotist) in Southern California. Now I believe I was seeing copycats and not a series of tells from a Master Wizard because the technique from that region is one layer away from the industry best. Now I believe the real Queen Bee is somewhere near Vancouver and has already created a small army. I’m guessing Canada has some legal advantages for this sort of thing.