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How to Be Not-Scary - Dilbert Blog

How to Be Not-Scary

An hour ago I heard my assistant opening a door that I happened to be standing near. It was one of those situations likely to scare the heck out of her. I was an adult male in an unexpected place, and too close. As a courtesy, I decided to act as not-scary as possible. I had about one second to plan my presentation.

A second wasn’t long enough. She won’t need any coffee today.

But in that one second I went through a lot of possible options for my posture, demeanor, and general expression. The way I approached the role was to go all statue-like as soon as the door opened. No sudden motions. That seemed right. But judging from the outcome, I think it came off as more of an undead vibe.

This prompted my assistant (after recovering) to tell me of a similar situation she encountered some years years ago. She was at a gun show, which makes the story extra good, and was in the situation I was in today. A stranger was about to come around a curtain and it would likely result in a surprised reaction. To avoid scaring the approaching stranger – at the gun show – she blurted “Don’t be afraid!” and raised her hand in the “halt” position just as they met.

I have never been to a gun show, but I have to think that one of the scariest things you can hear from a stranger at such an event is “Don’t be afraid.” My assistant’s method did not work out any better than mine.

This is why couples need an app that vibrates their phones or watches when they come within 15-feet of each other after being apart for over an hour. But only in their own homes. 

In Top Tech Blog, wearable cameras are coming. As every conspiracy theorist already knows, this is the first step before they become mandatory 🙂

It won’t be long before all of our gadgets have eyes. Sort of. Someday soon, your car, phone, and camera might be doing more than collecting light and digitizing it. They might identify what, and who, they are seeing. Add that capability to the cloud and you have a form of intelligent life, in my opinion. Life isn’t much more than intelligently reacting to the environment. Eyes plus cloud intelligence gets you there.

And just in time to make it a fair fight with the robot armies to come, the first true cyborg limbs are almost here. Control them with your brain. I plan to run marathons when I’m a hundred. Seriously.

Oh, and there is now a penis robot too. Sort of. Today it is used for data analysis purposes, to figure out which arousal methods work best for a particular woman. But if guys were worried about losing their jobs at the loading docks, this can only make things worse.

Scott

@scottadamssays

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