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There Ought to be a Law - Dilbert Blog

There Ought to be a Law

By Diana Wales – Special Guest Blogger

There Ought to be a Law

I’m a law and order kind of gal, and I often imagine new ways to catch or punish criminals. For example, when some punk spray-paints his initials or gang symbol all over someone else’s property, I think every item of clothing he owns should be stenciled with something not of his choosing – like Hello Kitty or Tinkerbell – which he’d be required to wear during any probationary period. Besides bringing home the point of how annoying it is to have your stuff defaced by someone else, he’d be laughed out of any gang, which is a bonus.

That’s a low-tech, easy fix. But we live in an age where more high-tech options are available to law enforcement. I had a stalker who worked at my company. He was put on a psychiatric disability leave, but immediately after his return he threatened to “kick in my f*ing teeth,” so apparently the meds didn’t work quite as planned. He was dismissed, but I was still afraid to walk through the parking lot afterward.

 I want to see anyone under a restraining order required to wear a special tracking anklet linked to an app that their victim can load on a phone. If the two devices are within a minimum distance, the anklet alarms, the phone alarms, and the police are alerted. This technology already exists, we just need the laws to catch up. Frankly, I’d also like the anklet to taser the bastard if he comes too close, but that could pose a public safety issue if he happens to be driving. 

A more sophisticated tool I’d like developed is a lie detector that is at least 99.99% accurate. Considering recent advances in brain mapping, this should be possible, and I think the government should fund it. Assuming anyone innocent of a crime will volunteer for the test, it would greatly reduce investigative costs and wrongful convictions. Plus it could come in darned handy during terrorist interrogations, elections, and dating.

On the rehabilitation front, we should be studying hormone balancing for criminals.  For example, studies indicate that oxytocin can enhance empathy. Let’s try giving parolees with low levels of oxytocin some implants with a time-released supplement to see if it reduces recidivism, or if just makes them feel really, really bad about their next drive-by shooting.

That’s just a small sample of the ideas that run through my head every time I watch a Dateline episode. How would you improve our system of justice?

(Note: I’ve used the pronoun “he” in a couple examples, but the concepts apply equally to female scumbags.)

————– On Top Tech Blog —————–

Thanks to non-Newtonian Shear Thickening Fluid, super-villains will soon be able to build bullet-proof suits. I hope the villains are still vulnerable to spider webs shot from wrists.

A new technology might turn every window into an energy source. I believe it was invented by ants who were looking for revenge. If the view looking out the window seems larger than usual, don’t stand there when the sun is out.

And how about a tiny camera powered by daylight? Sounds perfect for drones. 

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Scott Adams’ book on success: “Scott Adams shared some surprisingly practical advice in a very entertaining way.” – Oliver Johnston, 5-Star Amazon review 4/8/15